I just HAD to put these here :)

And……………..

Have a nice day………..

Matlabi

The word matlabi and me, we have a horrible history. People who cant even begin to appreciate how lovely friendship can be, used that word flippantly around me once. And it hurt bad. Because my sphere of self-evaluation is unfortunately external. When people tell me they miss me and love me, I feel loved and missed. When my little bro (he’s at least a foot taller and just a year younger to me) tells me I’m the most mature person he’s met, I really feel mature and important. On the down side, when someone tells me I’m stubborn and selfish, when someone tells me I’m a burden, I take those things seriously too.

But there are others in my life who truly set an example. My love who sings and plays songs for me after 11 hour shifts of work, just to make a crappy day all right. My bro who keeps all his own pain and suffering aside time and again just so he can tolerate me ranting on about the unfairness of life. My friend who will call me up and go on for 45 mins, sharing tiny details of his day just so I’m distracted from whatever I’m upset about. It makes me feel like a kid. These are people who will keep their own work/troubles aside for someone they love, and expect very very little in return. This is something I’m rarely capable of doing. What did I do to deserve such valuable friends? How then, do I still manage to find things to complain about? That’s when the word matlabi comes to mind. That’s the beauty of being young and “out there”. One moment you feel mature, content and composed, the next moment you are back to wondering, worrying and introspecting.

It was my birthday a few days ago and wishes came to me from rather unexpected sources. All of my friends from college and some from school wished me. But there were one or two who stumped me. Now that college is over and we’ve been pushed into the “real” world, the who knows if we will see each other again attitue tends to creep in.. So some calls (or their absence) was unexpected. People whom I considered extremely selfish called me and wished me. On the other hand, people who have been an important part of my life in the recent past failed to say anything worthwhile, if at all…. Also, there were people whom I’ve not met in years.  An old friend from 10th standard tuition messaged me. Our interaction lasted some 60 days. I’ve hardly seen her since. And that was seven years ago. (!!) But she remembers and messages dutifully. Several such surprises came to me on my special day, and it humbled me to a great extent. Mainly because I do not wish even half of these people regularly. Me not being good at remembering dates, even thought a fact, cannot be an excuse. Its a simple thing;  keeping reminders.  So again the word matlabi comes to mind.

And although I’m not an excessively selfish, mean person, (if I may say so myself) when I see some of the wonderful friends I’ve managed to make, I truly feel undeserving of all the love and care I’ve been on the receiving end of. I pat myself on my back for at least having done something right

The feeling of safety and hapiness that comes with knowing that some chosen few will be beside me, no matter what I have to face in life, no matter where I go and what I do; cannot be described in words. Cheers to those who have made my life worthwhile. Cheers to those who can still be their selfless selves in this “each-one-fend-for-himself” world. I love you and am immensely grateful.

The Other Song

This is a new book I’m reading and I’ve already found something interesting to share. Its written by an author who has done his MD in Homeopathy.

“We all desire to minimize our stress and suffering; we desire peace. We try to find the solution to the problem we see as the cause of the stress. We may try to avoid situations that are stressful. We attempt to change our job, our partner or our location. We try and change ourselves. We read self help books, we meditate. We talk to people about our problems.

When we have an argument with someone, when we feel hurt in  a relationship, when we are having difficulties in our work or when we suffer a business loss, we tend to see the problem as being outside us, something we need to solve. We analyze the issue, find logical reasons and explanations why such a situation has occurred and what we should do about it. None of these attempts to solve the issue has lasting effect. The reason is simple, we have not got to the root of the issue.

For example, if your neighbour parks in your parking place. You have talked to him about this politely but he has done this too often At one level you will know what needs to be done and this level is matter of fact. There is no stress here, only calculation. But there is another level. “What does he think of himself? how dare he?” This level is stressful, your nerves are excited, and your mind is working overtime. When you look into the situation you will see that the stress doesn’t come from the situation, it comes from your perception of it. IE, your innermost experience of it, of anger, your feelings of being victimized, trapped, caught, helpless against a stronger opponent in your struggle to survive. Or your experience of apprehension that you will lose the parking space. Or your experience of fear of facing the rudeness of your neighbor when you confront him, your desire to avoid the rudeness because you are lazy or sensitive. This experience is who you are, that is the stress for you; it is the source of constant stress.

At some point we do realize that stress is not outside us, but in the way we perceive and react to reality. And this is unique to each one of us. In fact it is the way each one perceives and reacts to reality which makes him unique, gives him his individuality. Thus our stress is inseparable from our individuality. This experience is not emotional or intellectual; it is a sensation felt in the body and mind simultaneously, one that is constant; one that colours our whole experience of life.  This sensation is our constant companion, the other song that keeps singing with the tune of our existance.

It’s all coming back to me now….

Wise words from a friend I used to chat a lot with…

and teju ..

as an experience f life..

i donno if…wat i say wuld mean nything to u …or

how much u wuld remember ..

” NEVER EXPOSE

TOO MUCH OF UR WEAKESSES

to NY1

“

even if its ur best frnd ..

i knw i may be sounding too

irrational here..

but u kno wat.

PPL DONT LIKE IT

WHEN

U “”WANT “”"

to BE IMP IN THEIR LIFE !!

ob …even they realise

tht U R !!

but …”" U”"

dnt tell them tht ..

ki ..

for the grt frndship u r..

U CRAVE to B IMP

in THEIR lives..

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

thts whr u lose respect..and they take u fr granted

dekh yaar..

ANY

RELATIONSHIP

(frnship ESPECIALLY !!)

is always …

)always*

held up

only on an equal standing

u cannot

REQUEST

sum1 to b Ur NYTHING

jus coz u NEED him/her .

ppl dnt care..

if u mean to them ..

that comes automatically

so …

chillax

!

u know sumthing …

that i ve realized quite lately in life ..

that howsosever close a frnd mayb to u ..

they will act strangely

once in a while ..

and hurt u .

in that case ..

rather than trying to ….figure out

the reason behind ….the way they acted

its better to jus attribute it to

human stupidity

and forgive

lolz..

where are u Mr Zindagi??

Comic thoughts

I have always found it funny; the way they show thoughts formed in bubbles and clouds in comics.  “How can thoughts be framed in complete, grammatically correct sentences?” was always a thing I pondered. Because, until recently, thinking had never been a conscious process. Words never got formed in my head, unless it was a memory of someone saying something. It was always a muddle of images, feelings, memories and emotions.

There is always a relevant perception of things around me (I’m not really going crazy…..not yet anyways ) and a well-connected train of thoughts that we experience, but is it really a string of words? One thought leads to another, but does it follow any rules of language? Basically, is there a language for thoughts? There never was one for me. I didn’t study all my subjects in school in my mother tongue, it was always English for me. And now I have grown to love this language that I can use better than my mother tongue. But when it comes to the flurry of things that go on in my head, again, there is no language. Sometimes, even no logical relevance

But now things are changing. Reluctantly, the brain is separating from the mind. And now instructions and comments like  “For gods sake stop thinking so much”, “C’est la vie, keep it aside, or move on, there is nothing else to be done”, “slow female drivers, when will they learn?” really do float through my head. Its my brain instructing my mind. And although it’s part of growing up, it is also a part of going completely nuts. The whole having two Tejasees, one instructing the other,  is bizarre for me.

This consciousness of thoughts and actions was never necessary earlier, now it is. That’s the whole flip side of growing up. You get to wear nice dresses and heels, but you’ve got to suck it up and be nice, be mature, think and act with reason and moral constraint. The kid side of me wants to scream a vehement NO!! to all this. I DONT want to accept complete responsibility for my actions, but I have to. I DONT want to accept that the world is not all rosy and beautiful; and things will not always go my way, but I have to. I DONT  want to bear the guilt that comes with not being able to be the perfect daughter, sis, friend, love, but I have to.

And whats more, when the brain instructs, the mind listens. This sudden submissive nature of the once-gallopping-in-full-abandon mind is frustrating too. But that’s the difference between the “grown-ups” and the “adults”. Grown-ups is nothing but a term that kids use for “those people”. But being an adult is the real thing. I really don’t know how to conclude this post, so this is the best way…

IF you can….

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And yet never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything thats in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

-Rudyard Kipling

Thanks a million to Darshana for this one

LDR

When I googled this abbreviation for my Project Report a few months ago, I meant Light Dependent Resistors. But I was surprised to find it also means Long Distance Relationships. And it brought  a lot of things flooding to my head. “So this is such an important subject for so many people??” “Haha!

Well here is my “experienced” take on it….

First things first.. 95% of my friends have a boyfriend/girlfriend…. Fact. Some chose to disclose it some don’t. Some don’t like the term “boyfriend” because it somehow brings “physical intimacy” into the picture (which should not be the case). Special friend, “him”, the one, close friend, whatever you call him, this is one guy in whom you invest a lot of your emotions, time and love. And this is not the “pyaar me socha nahi jaata, pyaar bas ho jaata hai” scenario. Yes, in most cases is just “happens” mostly with the guy “pataoing” the girl, but it is still a well-thought-out decision. Some prefer to stay out of the whole mess, some dive headlong, some try to put it off till they build some faith in the system….yada yada yada….long story short everyone has their reasons, but yes, there is that someone for everyone.

Now a problem arises……. if u disclose it, everyone knows, if you don’t, everyone STILL knows. If you disclose, at the appropriate age ( and sometimes at an inappropriate one) questions start cropping up… “how long have u been together?”,”Any plans of engagement?”,”When do you want to get married?”,”Do your families see eye to eye?”. On the other hand, if you don’t disclose and claim to be just friends (maybe you are not even sure yourself yet), then people will formulate their own theories about why you are together, what is keeping you apart and it becomes a topic open to discussion. Personally I prefer telling the world about something that makes me happy instead of letting them cook up their own version of the truth. Also a word of caution for those “we are just friends” people… he/she can dump you any time they want and then, anyone you go crying to, will say “But I thought the two of you were just friends..” Then you are only left with the choice of admitting that you are a liar, or having the guts to deal with it on your own. It’s even more messy when the other person still sticks to the “we were just friends” version, making them immune to any questions anyone might ask, and making you look like a sympathy-seeker if you tell anyone about it . On the other hand, once you disclose something, be sure to live up to it, or face embarrassment and disgrace if it doesn’t work out.

I’d like to point out here, that I belong to that section of people, where we actually intend things to work out. Any relationship is never intended to be temporary. Everyone is looking at the future with optimism and sometimes naivety. The youth is still stumbling on un-trodden paths and the families are willing to let them learn from their own mistakes.

Now that we’ve spoken about everyone else, lets talk about the individuals in the relationship. One of my friends had a very cynical approach “when you enter a relationship, be prepared to either screw the other person or be screwed by them”. Very crude, but sometimes very true. If you don’t find that balance, if you are not prepared to make adjustments, be compromising and work on it; things can get so very cloudy. So here is the situation. We are 21 or 22. And we have already chosen the person we hope to spend our life with. If this was two decades ago, we would have probably married right here, right now. But today, we want to do something with our lives, we want to grow on our own, satisfy our need for achievement on our own, see the world. The girls don’t want to jump from one state of dependency to another. The guys want to make sure they are well on their way in life before getting caught in raising a family. And we will probably be apart, working in different spheres of life, in different countries even. That’s when LDR comes into the picture.

So many questions have to be answered… Will we want the same things 5 years in the future? Will we stay in touch? Will we cope with who makes what sacrifices? How will we grow separately and still like each other? When we meet more and more people, will we repent our decisions,will we stick to our decisions, will we have faith in the other person sticking to their decision? the list goes on…

Well.. Firstly this this the age of communication. Staying in touch is not the problem, still being able to communicate on the same level is. That’s how we will have to grow… separately yet together. We will have to get used to change. We will have to get used to making sacrifices. We will have to work on issues and resolve them……but wait…are these things not applicable to  non-LDRs too? Is this not just life? Its like searching for the perfect grain of rice in a vast field. Either you can keep on searching all your life, believing that you’ve not found the best yet, or you can look a while, in a limited section, for a limited while and say this is mine and will make the best of it. We will grow, we will change, and we will deal with the changes. We hope to have that maturity. And yes, we will be prepared for the worst too.

50 years ago, people didnt know the person they were marrying till their wedding day. They still made some wonderful success storeis. 5 years ago, people saw each other for 8 years before deciding to marry. And they too made some wonderful success stories.  Each generation has had their own stuff to deal with.. arranged marriages,  love marriages, inter-racial marriages, inter-religion marriages, live-in-relationships, you name it… And now there is LDR. Its not the situation you are in, it is how you deal with it. Thats what makes things work. ANd everything else is irrelevant. You will stick with someone as long as you are happy. You will be happy only if you work on it. You will work on it only if you want to stick with it.

Ice age 3, Harry Potter 6, Transformers 2

It was sequel time… and it was FUN!!!

When u get a long deserved break form studies, thats what you do…you grab every close friend of yours and go for three consecutive movies…

All three great…all three had great graphics and pretty hilarious …all three had the romantic comedy thing going…

Movie buffs ….go for all three…

Transformers…awesome graphics…no real story but who cares…right prevails over wrong, the good guys are sacrificing, the bad guys are mean, megan fox makes a pet out of a deceptacon…..yada yada

Harry Potter…juts another one that fans will love…even if you’ve not read the book you’ll find the movie engaging…and if u have read the book you’ll agree that its the closest they’ve come to any book without making the movie run for 4 hours,  romance is in the air, and its not as cheesy as i thought it would be…. one small glitch… i don’t know how they are going to find the diadem in the next movie…else everything perfect

Ice age…introducing a female scrat, a baby mammoth and a crazy weasel pirate and a very angry T-Rex…. the herd gets bigger and more interesting, sid is hilarious as mommy to three dino kids, and manny as the wound up expecting father…you dont want the movie to end….but it does pretty soon…watch this movie especially to see scrat and scratte doing the tango

4 and half stars to all of them

Poem

The nicest extempore poem anyone wrote…

In this universe so vast stray

i see a galaxy far away

among the very stars shining so brightly

i see one twinkling ever so slightly

i started interacting with the star through chatting

and soon enough i met a sentian being

i asked her….

join me on my journey on my starship

to which she replied…

oh.. so u want an alliance ??? a Friendship??

i told her…

the journey would be treacherous…and full of endurance and hardship

to which she replied..

that wld only strengthen our relationship..

2 years have passed by….

Captains star log – Supplimental…

i think i m goin mental

i am in love..

i have to stay away…

keep this beautiful being at bay.

i cannot keep my mission aside for a bit

it is smthing i cannot hide …like a pimple or a zit.

she asks me ….

wats this mission of urs??

i reply …to boldly go where no one has gone before…

she giggles and smiles evr so softly

and gives me a hug gently…

say’s..

stupid…love and ur mission is one and the same thing

it doesnt always come down to a wedding ring..

it is to knw ones own self..

its a feeling that u cant just look up in a book on ur shelf.

it is to test ones own courage to face others.

it is to prove ur loyalty in the darkest of hours …

5 years have gone by…

now i wanna settle down on my own …

i see a planet not far away..

i tell her this i what we shld call home..

she smiles and asks me …

In this universe so vast and stray

this is where u want us to stay cuddling evryday …..

the end

__ Anonymous (but u can still guess who)

Chiku and Sonu

The story of Chiku and Sonu

Once there was a girl called Chiku. She lived alone with her father in a huge bungalow in a town called Kolhapur. Her mother had passed away recently, leaving a huge void in Chiku’s life. But she was a strong girl.  She lived her life the way all girls her age did;  getting up early in the morning, preparing for school, packing the lunch that her maid prepared and walking to school. On coming back home, she used to do her homework, play with her dolls and go to sleep after having dinner with her father. Chiku, however, had no friends.

One summer day she saw several trucks unloading luggage into the neighbouring bungalow. Curious to see who their new neighbours were, she peered around the gate watching the goings-on cautiously. Suddenly a buck-toothed boy jumped in sight and proffered his hand to her. “Hello, I’m going to be your new neighbour. My name is Sonu”, he said. That night Chiku’s dad generously invited the new comers to dinner. Over dinner, Sonu told Chiku all about his old school and the games he liked to play, and Chiku listened. And so Chiku had found a new friend.

Every evening Sonu used to spend time at Chiku’s home, telling her about the things that happened in school, about the wart on their class teacher’s nose, about how many kites he counted on the way back. Sonu spoke and Chiku listened. It never occured to Chiku that she should tell Sonu some stories too. Sonu tried asking her about things she did in school, but to no avail. So that was the way things were. Sonu talking and Chiku listening.

As their friendship grew, Sonu realised that they didn’t share too many common interests. But they managed to find compromises. They used to spend evenings in the backyard garden, picking nishigandha flowers till it became so dark they could not see anymore. They used to collect toffees from bets with school-mates and cricket matches and put them in jars, saving them for special occasions.  Then one day, Sonu took Chiku to his home, and showed her his paintings. Chiku was amazed to see how wonderfully colours can mix to create beautiful scenes. And next day, Chiku’s dad was surprised to find them indoors instead of playing outside. Chiku had just painted her first painting. It was a sunset on a beach with a baloon-wallah and silhouettes of children playing. It was a marvellous painting. They had discovered a talent.

Many months passed, even with the exams approaching, Chiku and Sonu found time to play, and of course, paint together. One day Chiku was skipping home with a trophy in hand. She had won first place in school for one of her paintings. As she approached Sonu’s house she saw trucks lined outside, and her heart skipped a beat. She ran in to find Sonu helping with the packing. “Where are you going?”, she asked. “Why my father has been transferred to Nashik, and we are leaving today. I’ve known for week s but I wanted to surprise you”, he said. “Are you surprised?” “Oh yes, I am”, she said and ran into her house. She went to the garden and filled her hand-kerchief with as many nishigandha flowers as she could. She went in and took out all the toffees from the jar. She rushed out and handed them to Sonu. “Hey, thanks!”, said Sonu. “These are for you.”said a teary eyed Chiku. “Hey, don’t cry, I’ll send you letters from Nashik. Send me some paintings if you can”, said Sonu.

As she said goodbye to Sonu, Chiku could not stop the tears from flowing. She could feel the void growing again. She had nothing left now, not Sonu, not the flowers, nor the toffees. Only her paintings still remained as memories of the chance fate gave her to change her life.

I heard this story on the way back from Pune, on a radio channel. Many details had ot be added, but the plot and ending have remained the same. I was surprised to hear a childrens story with a sad ending, but it somewhow remained in my head. Sometimes things happen for reasons that are unknown to us. All we can do it try to take the good from what happened and attempt to move ahead.