Doodle art

Boy do I hate Signals And Systems!! Not that it is boring and our professor tries really hard to make us understand. But some subjects are just so “hatable”. Theres no explanation, really.

The witch of portobello

Finished reading it long back, felt like writing about it today. I’m afraid this will be another post about feminism, but I don’t want to spark off more debates, and so I’ll not be expressing any views of my own, but just telling what the book is about.

This is the story of Athena(as she named herself) or Sherine(as her adoptive parents named her) or Hagia Sophia(as she found her true self). As all Paulo Coelho books, this one too immerses you in spiritual discussions and one feels like reading it only when one has the time and mood to get absorbed into that world. For me, this is not a book to be read  at the end of a busy day..it is to be read on a Sunday afternoon with juice and sandwiches. Instead of concentrating on the details of the story and the plot, the reader gets to decide which part of the story he/she can associate with and learn from. The story is told in a very different fashion, one that I have not seen yet. It has been told in the form of interviews…all the people who came close to knowing Athena in her lifetime have recounted what they saw her going through and what hey felt about it. The accounts given by different people, take the reader through her life and the various events that took place in it.

How many people are successful in finding out who they really are? How many are certain of what their purpose is? When is one happy? This is basically the story of a woman who is different, who discovers that she is years ahead of society with respect to her way of thinking, her knowledge of her own self, and her will to be free of all norms. It is about her self-discovery, the questions she asks herself and the answers that she finds.  It ends with a series of events that lead to a brutal murder. As always, I found the quotes, the musings and the thought provoking statements (especially those about relationships) more interesting that the spirituality and the actual plot of the story. Here are a few:

“NO one can manipulate anyone else. In any relationship, both parties know what they are doing, even if one of them complains later on that they were used.”

“Women always identify with one of the four classic archetypes:
The Virgin, whose search springs from her complete independence, and everything she learns is a fruit of her ability to face challenges alone.
The martyr finds her way to self-knowledge through pain, surrender and suffering.
The Saint, find her true reason for living in unconditional love and her ability to give without her asking anything in return.
The witch justifies her existence by going in search of complete and limitless pleasure.”

“People who return from battle are either dead or stronger in spite of or because of their scars.It’s better that way; I’ve lived on a battlefield since I was born, but I’m still alive and I don’t need anyone to protect me.”

Playing parts

Ever got the feeling that you are this intsy-winsty spider in a huge web of life? Maybe it’s all about studying Engineering. I still have no idea what we “engineer”, most of the time we are learning useless stuff by-heart. A friend of mine used all the skills she had learned in her four year course of engineering and got placed in two of the top companies that come recruiting to our colleges. Everyone envied her for a while. The companies were so good that she had a tough time choosing which one to go with. In a casual chat with me, she said “You know what, all that we learn in these four years takes you only as far as getting you placed in a good company, or else helping you clear a entrance tests for further education. You will not really use what you learned in college. What you actually use is the training that the company gives you when you finally join them.” So all the four years are needed only to make sure you understand the 1 month of training?? Accepted, that the industry is ever evolving and they cannot possibly keep updating our syllabus, but then why the stress on completing journals and all the stupid file work? Files and journals give you 5 marks, attending 75% of the lectures gives you another 1 mark, 80% 2 marks and so on till above 95% gives you 5 marks. It is so pathetic, the way we are bribed to do something that doesn’t make sense all for the sake of discipline and keeping traditions. So this is one place where i feel I’m just playing my part..doing stuff just because I’m meant to..without asking why.

Another place where that happens is whenever I visit Mumbai. Just the sheer numbers astound you. The massive amount of crowds, the traffic, the pace of their life. I’m dazed me every time I see it. Everyone has something on their minds, everyone has somewhere to go, some job to do. Sometimes I feel even the speed with which people walk about on the streets is faster. Like in the movies when the camera suddenly zooms out of a scene…you suddenly get the bigger picture, suddenly you and your little complicated life are miniscule, infinitesimally small, negligible. I knowI’ve been saying that living in Goa had made me more capable of enjoying the small things in life. But ironically living in Mumbai teaches you some lessons too. The poverty, the competition, the striving to make ends meet that you see makes you value what you’ve got. And you start feeling like you are just one link in this fantastic maze.

Another time is when I’m traveling at night. When I’m traveling by bus or train and I can see the distant light of households passing by, I always try to imagine whats happening in each home. What food is being cooked, who all are sitting at the table to eat it, whether they are watching TV serials. This too makes me think about how each individual is playing their part.,doing what they have to do…not because they always wanted to do it, but because it’s a part of the maze..part of what you have to do to give your share back to the world, to get what you want back from it.

Laaga chunari me daag

Watched a movie in the theater after a long long time. Probably the last movie I saw in the theater (or rather the multiplex ) was Harry Potter in July. I blame Engineering and rules about “another female required if i want to watch a movie with my friends” for that.

Well coming to the movie. In one sentence it would be, “everything was as expected..nothing special”. Although the storyline is all-too-filmy, this movie is worth a watch only becasue of the way the director has handled the subject. Although it is not as touching as Parineeta (Pradeep Sarkar’s earlier film), this movie manages to keep you interested and thinking.

So we start the story with two naive sisters, living in Varanasi till fate and evil relatives threaten to make their life living hell. Then the older daughter, who hasn’t even completed her education till SSC decides to take things in her own hands and be the son of the family. She moves to Mumbai, and soon realizes she can’t make it in that evil city. But alas, the situation at home has worsened, and she is told by a hassled mother, that she cannot return unless she has some way of providing money. So the village damsel finds herself taking up the life of a high class escort, one that goes around with only the richest of businessmen. Yashraj productions has managed to put in excuses for the leading cast to visit Italy and Zurich and sing songs there. The later half of the movie deals with the younger sister arriving in Mumbai complete with an MBA, and the struggle that the elder one has to endure to keep “chhoti” from knowing the truth. All ends well as it should in a hindi movie, and the moral of the story is: If you are ever forced to become a prostitute, hope against hope that a guy who is as handsome as Abhishek Bacchan will fall in love with you and accept you in spite of “knowing everything about you”.

Sounds boring, but good direction covers up for the soppy script. But then it does make you think. Yes women have freedom, the are self-reliant. Of course we see so many female CEOs these days. I’m no feminist. But some questions do trouble me. Do women have the respect they deserve? When will women be able to travel in buses and trains without hesitating? Have you heard a girl whistelling at a guy? Or a girl threatening to throw acid on the guy’s face when he refuses to marry her? As I said, I’m no feminist. I have seen many cases of a girl ruining a guy’s entire life without as much as second thought. All coins have two sides, but some facts remain. My generation lays as much importance to the sanctity and purity of women, as did all the generations before me. Maybe the times have changed. Maybe these days it is the boyfriend instead of the husband who does the questioning. But questions are still asked, and they will be asked for a long long time to come.

A Different Sunday

Went out roaming this Sunday. Did some of the exploring my beloved goa that I had mentioned earlier. First we went to some old deserted forts, some which even the locals living there don’t know about.How can people stay next to monuments which are so involved in making history, and don’t even know about it? Well we went to some forts built by the Portuguese in th 1700’s, so that other conquerers, mainly the Dutch and the neighboring maratha and mughal emperors could not invade their territory. One thing that I learned about forts is that most of them have sloping ramps instead of steps. It makes the construction a lot more complicated, but the ramps are needed to haul the heavy machinery needed to make gun-powder and of course the cannons themselves up into the fort. We were lucky to have two Central Government Archaeologists with us, so we even had access to some areas restricted to normal tourists when we visited some of the more popular forts. Here are some pics that I took: click on the pictures to see them.

(L to R- A wall of the fort around which a banyan tree had spread itself; the kind of paths that we walked on; a cave that we found)

(L to R- A lily that my father picked for me; view from the lighthouse on fort aguada; a friend holding up a flower called agnishikha. This flower’s petals turn a full 180 degrees when it’s completely open. Hence, you can see the pollen outside and the petals inside..he is holding it upside down to prove the point. The flower is used to induce labour pains during pregnancy. Here’s all the information about the flower that I could find)

This is the most special part of the day’s adventures. Aguada in Portuguese means water reservoir. That’s exactly what was special about this fort apart from it’s prison cells and lighthouse. This underground water “tank” (so to say) has the capacity to store 23,76,000 gallons, thats is one crore and 6 laks litres of natural rain water. Seems like that the invading Portuguese knew more about the importance of natural rain water harvesting that us. The hole on top through which light is flooding in is one of the many ways the rain water flows into the tank.

All in all, it was a very different Sunday for me.

Hatred

I had not felt this emotion for  a long long time till some days ago. Back in the school days hatred was a common thing. All the ganging up, gossip, spreading rumors..the isolation from everyone else..being an “outsider” no matter how many years I stay in this place….Been there, Done that! But after I went to higher secondary school, I’ve not really felt hatred, not really disliked people. Looking back, the school time bickering seems stupid. The flared egos and the enmity seems baseless. I’d like to say “no hard feelings” now, but I’m afraid I lost some of the most beautiful years of my life learning (but not accepting) such dirty politics.

So when the feeling came back to me some days ago, I was really unhappy. I don’t like hating people. I don’t like hating people who won’t explain a concept to me since it will help me solve a math problem faster than them. People who take positions of power only to usurp all the benefits and perks; without taking responsibility. People who are least bothered about their contribution towards a team effort. People who need a favor from you, and yet want you to bend your schedule according to their preferences.

So where did I get all these weird interactions with people? College of course. I don’t like the air of selfishness and hatred in my college these days. I am the Editor of the Society of Electronics and Telecommunications Engineers (SENATE for short) and I’m learning quite a few things about “public relations”. I’ve realized that my book of politics needs a lot of new chapters to be added. I’ve also realized that I’ll have to probably add new chapters to it all my life!!

With the Job-placements coming up next year, people are beginning to look at the person sitting next to them and wonder..”How am I better than him/her?”, “How can I impress the professors more than he/she does”,”What can I do to stop him/her from getting better than me at everything?”. The first two questions are fine. You have to look out for yourself right? But it’s the last question that bothers me the most.  It upsets me to see all the silent war-fare. People who think “What benefit will i get out of this?” disgust me, and I suddenly realize I’ve got to become like this soon. It’s not about competition anymore. It’s not about academic excellence either. It’s about who can keep the most people happy at the same time.

And I hate hating.

Not that I’m perfect myself. But it still hate it.

But i also realize I’ve got to live with it. So here’s to my new experiences, and many more to come.

Going to the dentist!!

I don’t remember ever having to go to the dentist in my small lifetime. I think I must have only gone for a general check up long back when I was an eight year old. Another time, maybe when there was a dental camp at school. But I’ve gone with my mother once, to give her moral support. I’ve seen the tears leak out of her eyes when she was given an injection with a long needle into her gums.I’ve shuddered at the sight, hoping I never ever have to visit the dentist ever!! No way!!

And a month ago, I couldn’t put it off anymore. And there i was, in the waiting room, with my mother to give me moral support this time! He must have been pleased to have a set of teeth that hadn’t been visiting him often, and so of course he was able to locate many places where something or the other could be done. And since then I’ve been visiting him almost every week! I have an appointment today, in fact. I hope n pray it’s my last.

W ell it’s not that bad really, very like a pampering beauty parlor, with shiny pointed instruments instead of make up kits, and lots of apprehension and pain instead of satisfaction.

When I first saw the anesthesia needle, my only thought was..”That needle must be longer than the thickness of my gums..will he put the whole thing through?” hehe…silly of me, but well i was petrified as it is, so you can’t blame me. And then it was BAD! Well at least he said “This might hurt a bit” instead of “You won’t feel anything”. So i was prepared.

An hour later I was going home with numb gums, lips and a numb nose even. And the only thing that cheered me up was that I could finally have the customary After-The-Dental-Treatment-Ice-cream

I have been inquiring about the Dental encounters of all my friends since then, and I’ve found to my relief that most people have gone through worse. I only did some cleaning and filling. No root-canal even. So my great “experience” was not so extra-ordinary after all.

Well I’m off to my last appointment. Remember to brush twice a day! And no chocolates at night!