Comic thoughts

I have always found it funny; the way they show thoughts formed in bubbles and clouds in comics.  “How can thoughts be framed in complete, grammatically correct sentences?” was always a thing I pondered. Because, until recently, thinking had never been a conscious process. Words never got formed in my head, unless it was a memory of someone saying something. It was always a muddle of images, feelings, memories and emotions.

There is always a relevant perception of things around me (I’m not really going crazy…..not yet anyways ) and a well-connected train of thoughts that we experience, but is it really a string of words? One thought leads to another, but does it follow any rules of language? Basically, is there a language for thoughts? There never was one for me. I didn’t study all my subjects in school in my mother tongue, it was always English for me. And now I have grown to love this language that I can use better than my mother tongue. But when it comes to the flurry of things that go on in my head, again, there is no language. Sometimes, even no logical relevance

But now things are changing. Reluctantly, the brain is separating from the mind. And now instructions and comments like  “For gods sake stop thinking so much”, “C’est la vie, keep it aside, or move on, there is nothing else to be done”, “slow female drivers, when will they learn?” really do float through my head. Its my brain instructing my mind. And although it’s part of growing up, it is also a part of going completely nuts. The whole having two Tejasees, one instructing the other,  is bizarre for me.

This consciousness of thoughts and actions was never necessary earlier, now it is. That’s the whole flip side of growing up. You get to wear nice dresses and heels, but you’ve got to suck it up and be nice, be mature, think and act with reason and moral constraint. The kid side of me wants to scream a vehement NO!! to all this. I DONT want to accept complete responsibility for my actions, but I have to. I DONT want to accept that the world is not all rosy and beautiful; and things will not always go my way, but I have to. I DONT  want to bear the guilt that comes with not being able to be the perfect daughter, sis, friend, love, but I have to.

And whats more, when the brain instructs, the mind listens. This sudden submissive nature of the once-gallopping-in-full-abandon mind is frustrating too. But that’s the difference between the “grown-ups” and the “adults”. Grown-ups is nothing but a term that kids use for “those people”. But being an adult is the real thing. I really don’t know how to conclude this post, so this is the best way…